Captain Jack Sparrow Captain Jack Sparrow

G.R.O.S.S. communication thread.

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G.R.O.S.S. communication thread.

from Stardock Forums
Cringe in fear do gooders. The G.R.O.S.S. (Get Rid Of Slimy alienS) empire is now formed. In less than an hour we have jumped 95 other Pacifist Doo Gooder victim empires and lept into 40th out of 135 ranked.

We are an evil empire bent on controlling everything and showing all the other empires out there who's boss. US. Are you listening Euro-"Oh lets let everyone be a senator and give em a vote doo gooder democracy alliance?" We come for you.

For a limited time, (untill I decide otherwise) 5 Pure Evil games, (or just impressing me with your game evilness) submitted will get you a Senatorship. Later, being the evil empire pyramid scheme we are, it will take 10. Of course, being the evil empire we are, that gives you no benefits, no pay, but all the alien carnage you crave most.

Now we do realize that sometimes, you just have to fake being good. You sometimes just have to infiltrate that pacifist party. We understand. But we aren't a kinder gentler empire and don't let their pacifism go to your head. And just sometimes, you gotta let the Aliens live (where else would you find slaves for the heavy metal lava mines?)

In the future, we shall update each other in the empire via this thread, brag of our conquests, drink blood wine, and generally just poke fun (creatively and humorously) at those players whom we find to be too goody goodyish.

Our mottos.

G.R.O.S.S. Where being good is merely a temporary strategy.

Just win baby.

Here's your ration of skin you do gooder wimp Drengin slime. Now get back to work

EBZeroMatrix you have been made a senator.

I repeat. Cringe in fear, we come for you.





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Reply #1926 from Stardock Forums Top
Pontius: Mrs Pax, there's only one problem with this. The transmorgifrier was invented as a weapon, not a toy. It decides what it is dialed to. We are only passive observers. I haven't invented the mark 2 model yet that offers a choice.

Well another problem. You cannot just use it, and reverse the effects any time you want.

Mrs Pax: WHAT? YOU MEAN MY HUSBAND COULD END UP A SLOTH AND STAY ONE??? OH WAIT THAT WOULDN'T BE A CHANGE NOW WOULD IT? DID YOU KNOW HE ONLY GOT A GAZEBO BUILT LAST WEEKEND. HE DIDN'T EVEN GET MY WALKWAY DONE.

Pontius knew better than to argue: uh yeah lazy bum. did he watch baseball all day?

Mrs Pax: HE SURE DID!!!!IN ADDITION TO HIS PIRATE DUTIES. REALLY, WHO'S GONNA GIVE ME ANOTHER CHILD AFTER YOU TRANSFORM HIM AND CAN'T GET HIM BACK. WHY I CAN'T BELEIVE YOU PONTIUS BRUIN PILOT. TO EVEN THINK OF SUCH A THING.

Pontius shuddered at this

WELL? WELL? The tapping of Mrs. Pax's foot was a very bad bad sign.

Well It is his decision. OOOPs, now Pontius had done it. The Master Blaster. The creme-de-la Ooops of all Male mistakes when talking to a female. Implying that the Male in the relationship actually has a choice in anything was the harbinger of at least 5 hours of hell and Pontius knew it. He resigned himself to his fate.

MRS. PAX. Blah blah blah blah blah BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH
ARE YOU TUNING ME OUT PONTIUS... BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH. HONESTLY, I JUST CANNOT BELIEVE YOU MEN AND YOUR SILLINESS!!! TRANSFRYINGPAN INDEED!!! WHAT'S MY HUBBIE GONNA DO WHEN HE'S A MONKEY, OR A PLATYPUS, OR A KANGAWALLABE, OR ONE OF THEM DINGUS AUSTRALIAN KITTIES (Pontius knew better than to correct her and tell her it was a dingo and a dog)? HUH? WHO'S GONNA BUILD MY GAZEBO'S AND WALKWAYS? YOU? WELL ANSWER ME.?? I WANT A MAN NOT AN ANIMAL!!!!

Pontius merely shudderred. He knew where this was going. And he knew better than to actually give an answer this time as Mrs. Pontius had arrived and was listening from the next room.

Did you take this up with Cypher? (Oh my another big mistake)

OF COURSE I DID STUPID!!! HE'S A MAN DUMBA..... JUST AS STUPID AS THE REST OF EM, ISN'T THAT RIGHT MRS PONTIUS?

Pontius knew two on one was about to happen here. And not the fun kinky kind either....

THE ABSURDITY OF IT ALL. WHY I HAVE HALF A MIND TO GET THAT THING AND TRANSFORM DR. QUINN INTO SOMETHING. THAT WILL FIX ALL YOU PIRATES. BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH.

Mrs. Pontius chimed in in perfect female harmony.
BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH. BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH. ARE YOU LISTENING? BLAH BLAH BLAH,

It was going to be a long morning. But just as suddenly.
Mrs Pontius: WELL LETS GO TALK SOME SENSE INTO THAT GOOD FOR NOTHING OF YOURS. MINE HAS WORK TO DO!! BUT JUST WAIT TILL WE GET YOU HOME AGAIN.

Pontius shuddered: we? Oh my but he hoped for some extra paperwork from Pirate central today.

He watched the women go down the hall and sighed. He knew Cyper was in for a peck of trouble. They were joined by a third. Mrs Wombat. Did someone say their hubbie watched baseball? Mine just was introduced to the game and is facinated by it. In fact. HE DIDN'T GET HIS HUSBANDLY DUTIES DONE EITHER. WE MUST STAMP THIS VILE GAME OUT OF EXISTANCE, AND ALL TV SPORTS!!!. As Mrs. Wombie went back into her quarters, Pontius knew Wild Wombat would soon get his. And as Pontius followed them around the habitat ring, he realized the seriousness of the problem. Each and every woman was joining in the conversation. The entire crew would be getting theirs too. Hell hath no fury. It seemed that all cycles were coinciding this day. Pontius shudderred at this thought. Indeed he was haunted all day at work by it. As he got to the Bridge to Relieve EBZ from the graveyard shift he quipped. So EBZ still wan't to get married?

EBZ huh?

Pontius. Oh never mind, I hope you live happily ever after with your fiancee.
"After all." thought Pontius, "what good is a friend if you can't encourage him to experience marital 'bliss' too."



Siege of Centauri
Reply #1928 from Stardock Forums Top
Although that does sound a lot like the conversations at the home of Theoden... :notsure:
Reply #1929 from Stardock Forums Top
Although that does sound a lot like the conversations at the home of Theoden
End of quote


Pontius heard a sound coming from the Fellowship space. It wasn't even on the subspace band. Wierd that it would get this far thought pontius, then... He knew why. It seems theodin was getting his too.

THEODIN!!!! COME BACK HERE AND MOW THE LAWN THIS INSTANT!!! OUR PARTYING AND GALLABANTING WITH YOUR HOBBIT FRIENDS ALL NIGHT? YOU MEN ARE ALL ALIKE!!!!!

Uh oh, clearly this syncronous cycle thing had to do with alot more than just the Doom.

BLAH BLAH BLAH ARE YOU PAYING ATTENTION TO ME OR ARE YOU WATCHING A GAME OF HOBBIT CRICKET? BLAH BLAH BLAH NOW LETS JUST SHUT OFF THAT GAME NOW AND GET THIS GRASS CLIPPED!!!!! THEODIN. POOKIE. SNOOKEMS.

Theodin knew he was whipped and wen't to his hobbit garage to get a lawnmower.
Reply #1930 from Stardock Forums Top
Good morning, you scruffy bucanneers...
End of quote


Who's scruffy looking?

We must have hit him pretty close to the mark to get him all riled up like that, huh, guys?

;p
Reply #1931 from Stardock Forums Top
THE FIRST SIGN OF THE APOCOLYPSE???

Pontius put Kit in charge of the bridge. There was trouble afoot Pontius hit the blue lever just installed and detached the Defiant. He needed a cloak, and this ship was fast and well armed. He made his way into Fellowship space. He needed to see the elvish writings. Upon his beamdown the elves were startled.

Elron: Pontius, what are you doing here? You know the consequences if you know who catches you.
Pontius: We scanned. He's off smoking with the halflings again.
Elron: I'm afraid it's bad times here. The women are in an uproar, again. Do not linger too long.

Hmmmm thought pontius, A very bad sign indeed.

I must consult the ancient writings Lord Elron. Immediately. Pontius, quickly reached what he was looking for. Signs of the comong apocolypse, by Pointy ears Paladia.

Horseman #1. And the first horseman will be a man, yet not a man, and its coming will be signalled by a syncronization of the cycles. It was always assumed that this meant the moon cycles of middle earth and that the first horseman would be elven or some humaniod other than man. LORD ELRON!!! DID YOU NOT SWEEP THE LEAVES? WHY YOU LAZY GOOD FOR NOTHING ELF!!! SEEMS WE SHE-ELFS HAVE TO DO ALL THE REAL WORK AROUND HERE!!! AND FOR THE LAST TIME YES, IF A MAN SPEAKS IN THE FOREST AND THERE IS NO WOMAN TO HEAR HIM, HE IS STILL WRONG!!!! But Pontius suddenly knew differently....And hoped against all hope he was wrong.


Meanwhile, back on the bridge of the doom, Kit was getting his earful.

WHERE IS THAT PONTIUS? DID HE SCOOT OFF ON ONE OF HIS MISSIONS AGAIN? DON'T YOU BE COVERING FOR HIM YOU. WE KNOW HOW YOU MEN STICK TOGETHER.... BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH. IF WE FIND OUT HE'S IN THE HOLLODECK PLAYING BASEBALL AGAIN YOU'RE IN DEEP TROUBLE THERE KIT!!!

To be continued: In about a month or so???


Please note: No inference to real world events is to be inferred from this story. It's simply a chuckler brought on by other chucklers.

No actual syncronizing of cycles has occurred, or will ever occur...
We hope.




[Message Edited]
[Message Edited]
Reply #1932 from Stardock Forums Top
Ah, yes...that sounds about right, Pontius!

Kit, just look at that scruffy looking self of yours in the mirror! When was the last time you combed your hair, mister?!

I'm surprised Mrs. Pontius hasn't gotten on you about that, yet. ;)
Reply #1933 from Stardock Forums Top
I'm surprised Mrs. Pontius hasn't gotten on you about that, yet
End of quote


Why do you think I left on the mission? ;)


LOOK KIT, I WANT TO KNOW WHERE MY HUBBIE PONTIUS IS? WE HAVE LAWNS THAT NEED MOWING, SONIC SHOWERS THAT NEED FIXING.

Kit: I told you he's on a special mission, He took the Defiant if you must know.

DEFIANT. I'LL SHOW YOU DEFIANT MR. YOU RADIO HIM TO GET BACK THIS INSTANT!!!!!!.

Kit: I can't. I have strict orders, no subspace contact for 9 solar hours. You'll just have to be patient Mrs. Pontius. If we radio him and he's compromised, They might just kill him.

WELL THEN I SUGGEST YOU BE MERCIFUL AND RADIO HIM NOW THEN. IT'S BETTER THAN WHAT HE'S GONNA FACE WHEN ME AND MRS PAX GET AHOLD OF HIM.

Meanwhile, Pontius took the Defiant to the Jedi border and hacked into a listening outpost
YODA!!! YOU LAZY GOOD FOR NOTHING. STOP WATCHING THOSE LIGHT SABRE DUELS AND GET YOUR PUPPET AZZ OUTSIDE AND CUT THE LAWN. BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH ARE YOU PAYING ATTENTION?

It indeed was as bad as Pontius thought.
Reply #1934 from Stardock Forums Top
We got 50 raiders. Good job! But that is not quite good enough eclipse the less-than-active empires of old. The 99 person horde of GG, 89 in the former chart-buster Apolyton, the 81 Euros who also used to rule the sea of stars, and the 76 sneaky Canadians who made a run for the top and settled down to lurk quietly below the surface at #4. And not to even mention the talented players of the Fellowship with 40 members that still contest our reign.

So no time to rest. Contribute any way you can, team. We are still short of a full deck. (And, hopegully, will always have some room for a few extra jokers.)
Reply #1935 from Stardock Forums Top
Cypher was in big trouble with Mrs. Pax. Pontius in a truly evil moment had informed Mrs. Pax about his plans to become an animal.

Cypher thought that he might as well be a Tasmanian Devil because he would likely be sleeping on the couch until March or April.

It seemed like that the animal process was not easily reversible. There had to be a way he could still fulfill his dream of becoming a drop bear…

Oh, well. One thing was certain Cypher Pax was going to take out his frustrations on the Torians and Altarians this weekend....


~SDC~
Reply #1936 from Stardock Forums Top
Cypher was in big trouble with Mrs. Pax. Pontius in a truly evil moment had informed Mrs. Pax about his plans to become an animal.
End of quote



Pontius returned from his mission expecting the worst. He proceeded to his desk fully expecting Mrs. Pax and Mrs Pontius to be waiting for him. But instead he saw cypher.

Man It wasn't me bud. She knew. She knew when she walked in. At least, I was told by Mrs. Pontius she knew. Wait a minute.

Pontius now realized that he had indeed been tricked by the diabolical Mrs. Pax. on a tip from his diabolical wife Mrs. Pontius. But for what purpose? The lawn was mowed. The Gazebo's built. Cypher had all his duties done. Football season wasn't for a couple more weeks. The plumbing was repaired. On second thought, Pontius didn't want to know.

Now Pontius knew how the guy in the milk commercial felt when he blurted out his wife's wedding ring was really cubic zirconia when she was only upset about the milk being gone.

But for what purpose could all these women want ammunition to lord over their husbands.???? The answer, unfortunately, would have to wait until the next cycle.

Pontius set about inventing the mark 2 for his friend. He'd have to hope that EBZ would keep some of the Altarians alive in order to run some experiments.




Reply #1944 from Stardock Forums Top
Pontius: You've just written a novel! LOL We know from Darwinism that there must be some sort of benefit to the male in a marriage. Um, isn't there? And here I thought I was just whistling Dixie. (is that the right saying?)

Quack: you know how to upstage! Just have a story with cute animals and cute children!
Reply #1945 from Stardock Forums Top
I'm just wondering how long before the wives start to read these threads...

Well, honestly, who thought Cari-Elf's mother would show up on the fan thread?

Hehe, I don't think Pontius has written a novel. It's more of a self-help book...



Rampaging with Roses:

Living A Life of Piracy
While Keeping The Missus Happy

By PontiusBruinPilot
(the Dr. Phil of the high seas)
Reply #1946 from Stardock Forums Top
(the Dr. Phil of the high seas)
End of quote


Since Dr. Phil was exposed as a fraud (not really a dr.) and likely Oprah's little ..itch, I don't know whether to take that as an insult or a compliment.

LOL LOL
Reply #1947 from Stardock Forums Top
Pontius arrived home at midnight. Mrs Pontius had waited up. So out all night with your Pirate friends? Nope. Playing poker with the gang. Look what I got with the winnings.


WHAT? A VIDEO GAME. WHY I'M GONNA TEAR THIS OPEN AND TOSS IT IN THE CAN OOOOOOO YOU.... AHHH Wait, Jewelry inside. Ahhhhh how sweet of you. C'mere...... ...... Good night everyone. Have a good weekend and cya tomorrow.
Reply #1948 from Stardock Forums Top
"Since Dr. Phil was exposed as a fraud (not really a dr.) and likely Oprah's little ..itch, I don't know whether to take that as an insult or a compliment."

Heh, I didn't know that... but still - you're wanted on 5,632 counts of piracy, PETA wants you skinned alive, and you're worried about that? Okay, let's just sure you're the "i know how to fix your relationship" Dr. Phil, not the "i'm a fraud" Dr. Phil, mmkay?


Nice win, btw - what is it with birds and shiny things? :p
Reply #1950 from Stardock Forums Top
Has any one else run in to the problem where you submit a game, it puts the game and score in your individual listing, but does not increase your meta score? Only one of my last 3 game submissions actually got added.