Captain Jack Sparrow Captain Jack Sparrow

G.R.O.S.S. communication thread.

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G.R.O.S.S. communication thread.

from Stardock Forums
Cringe in fear do gooders. The G.R.O.S.S. (Get Rid Of Slimy alienS) empire is now formed. In less than an hour we have jumped 95 other Pacifist Doo Gooder victim empires and lept into 40th out of 135 ranked.

We are an evil empire bent on controlling everything and showing all the other empires out there who's boss. US. Are you listening Euro-"Oh lets let everyone be a senator and give em a vote doo gooder democracy alliance?" We come for you.

For a limited time, (untill I decide otherwise) 5 Pure Evil games, (or just impressing me with your game evilness) submitted will get you a Senatorship. Later, being the evil empire pyramid scheme we are, it will take 10. Of course, being the evil empire we are, that gives you no benefits, no pay, but all the alien carnage you crave most.

Now we do realize that sometimes, you just have to fake being good. You sometimes just have to infiltrate that pacifist party. We understand. But we aren't a kinder gentler empire and don't let their pacifism go to your head. And just sometimes, you gotta let the Aliens live (where else would you find slaves for the heavy metal lava mines?)

In the future, we shall update each other in the empire via this thread, brag of our conquests, drink blood wine, and generally just poke fun (creatively and humorously) at those players whom we find to be too goody goodyish.

Our mottos.

G.R.O.S.S. Where being good is merely a temporary strategy.

Just win baby.

Here's your ration of skin you do gooder wimp Drengin slime. Now get back to work

EBZeroMatrix you have been made a senator.

I repeat. Cringe in fear, we come for you.





68,884 views 3,706 replies
Reply #1326 from Stardock Forums Top
Found the reference to manifest destiny that you were looking for, Kit.
End of quote


Thanks Ray. :)

koalas are actually smaller than wombats!
End of quote


And here I thought drop bears were full grown bears. :notsure: Sorry, I didn't realize your persona was really a koala bear. That changes eeeeeeverthing... somehow. ;)
Reply #1327 from Stardock Forums Top
I just submitted another 5000 point game Can I have an extra case of beer as an award
End of quote


Sure, we have some Fine Canadian Swill we took in our last raid. Here's a case. Enjoy.
Star Control: Origins
Reply #1328 from Stardock Forums Top
Lets welcome Stealth Frequency aboard the Survey ship of doom.

Here is a fine Cutlass with your name on it.



Gerrakin: Well done in recruiting. The world wide release of your recruiting movie, Pirates of the Carribean seems to be a success. HEHE. I shall up your quota next week accorndingly. :CONGRAT: LOL
Reply #1329 from Stardock Forums Top
Vash 258: Your current version is outdated. You can update with the stardock central software on your disk. Install it, go to sdc on the web and download 1.05. Your scores will go up and alot of bugs are fixed.
Reply #1331 from Stardock Forums Top
Gerrakin: Well done in recruiting. The world wide release of your recruiting movie, Pirates of the Carribean seems to be a success. HEHE. I shall up your quota next week accorndingly
End of quote


Sometimes I get lucky, sometimes I don't. 7 was the lucky number during the 4 day window I was given, but Hollywood sure made my job easier this week! :) I doubt that rate is sustainable, though. But we got fresh blood and we are still on the cutting edge. Go team!
Reply #1332 from Stardock Forums Top
Pontius,
and fellow Galciv addicts. Go to the Mid-Western thread and read my hopefully entertaining post.

I am no trashtalker and intend no offense by my post-the intent of which was be humorous and poke some good natured fun at the top Empire. Hopefully you will take it in the spirit it was intended.

If you have an orator among you I would love to read your reply in story form.
Reply #1333 from Stardock Forums Top
If you have an orator among you
End of quote


Oh boy....does GROSS have an orator among them?
Zoshan, you are about to get an education... LOL
Reply #1334 from Stardock Forums Top
The audit was not going well.

“And these records?” said the bespectacled auditor.
“Um, ah, well…” KitWarrior turned to EBZM with a pleading look. EBZM looked at the Captain. The Captain deflected the look to the Spymaster.

The Spymaster blushed: “Ha. Ha. Actually, that raid wasn’t one of our best. A few hundred kegs were unfortunately smashed in our post-Victory frenzy and…”. The Spymaster’s unlikely explanation ground to a halt under the auditor’s gorgonish gaze.

“I see”, said the auditor, although his body language said otherwise, strongly.

EBZM eyed the auditor bleakly. ‘He can see straight through our feeble explanations’ thought EBZM.

KitWarrior had dark thoughts as he stared around the room: ‘This is all we need! The Waltzing Matilda is in port as we waste time here: I can sense Dropbear nearby as if he was in this room, watching. Yet what a perceptive auditor!’.

The Spymaster was perplexed: ‘Arr. I think I’ve conned him good’, he thought. ‘He’s fallen for it hook line and sinker. Wish I could read his body language’.

The Captain was thinking: ‘Damn. I’m gonna be late for the poetry reading. Again’.

The gathering paused and looked with interest as a slight, youngish man (although perilously close to middle age), with a long, many-coloured robe and a calculus, went by. The man stooped to measure the room with his tape measure, and left, heading towards the Bridge of the Ship of Doom.
“Don’t mind him” chuckled Pontius, absently. “He’s just arrived from Singapore. An interior designer or some such”. The gathering laughed, unwisely.

The auditor watched the strange man leave the room and looked at the pirates. The pang of sympathy he felt for the pirates was a strange emotion: yet one he easily dismissed. “Ahem. Now about your raid on 13 June…”

Many hours later Mrs Pilot came looking for Pontius, rolled newspaper clutched in her strong, fierce hand.
Reply #1335 from Stardock Forums Top
Zoshan, no offense taken. :) The story has a gritty wild west pull to it. However, when you make it clear in the story that... well I won't spoil it. I'll just say that it's going to take quite a bit of creativity to follow it up with living characters. Maybe after I exterminate/enslave these here remaining aliens I'll take a shot.
Reply #1336 from Stardock Forums Top
Darth Bob broke the spell with an innocent giggle. Hearty laughs echoed through the Survey Ship of Doom as the entire crew cracked up.

EBZ hollered, "pirates being audited?!?!" The laughter intensified.

Gerakken threw in, "interior design? On THIS ship?!?!" The laughter rolled on.

Pontius raised his hand and bellowed, "ENOUGH!" The laughter ceased. "Kit, take these two land-lovers back down to the brig. We have an uppity empire to deal with." Everyone nodded in somber agreement.

Heavy, cold shackles were placed around the wrists and ankles of the two hapless prisoners. Their weekly exercise was over. As they were shoved back down through the dimly lit corridors, they dared to plead for food and blankets.

"Stow it you two," Kit ordered. "And I don't care if you're the super grand wizard of top, middle, and bottom Earth magic boy; you ain't gonna see the light of day until we get some booze tribute."

The procession swayed as the Doom banked on a new course. It was time to pay a visit to some unfortunate farmers.

(edit:spelling... again)

[Message Edited]
Reply #1337 from Stardock Forums Top
Obiwon. You just hated the Love boat because after it and fantasy Island were over, that Star Wars clone Battlestar Gallactica came on.
End of quote


Pontius, don't be hasty - I LIKED Galactica! If it has Lorne Greene, John Colicos, special effects and a couple of hot chicks, it must be good! Uhh...now that Galactica 1980 crap...that's another story. :sniff!:

Gerakken, congrats on the recruiting. Hadn't realized the movie thing would make such an impact here. Looks like we're just gonna have to call Mr. Lucas and get him to change his timetable.

May the Force be with y'all.
Reply #1338 from Stardock Forums Top
Hmmm Obi, most Star Wars uber fans didn't, they saw it as a cheap takeoff. I rented the movie. Was pretty good. I was unaware that the theatrical release was also the pilot. HEHE. But I did notice that when Boomer (a black guy), or anyone else fired his lasers (back shot only) or made a course correction he had a white woman's hand complete with nail polish (clear) and a bracelet. OOOOPS. One that got by the sensors. The forward shots were ok. Cassiopia was one fine socialator. And Athena was one fine Bridge jockey. And Apollo's news reporter chick wasn't bad either. Of course, when you realize that one of the hot chicks went on to become Dr.Quinn medicine woman, it kind of ruins the effect. Although I did think the humans kind of stupid. We've just been annhililated, but if we throw down all our weapons it will convince the Cylon's, who hate our guts, to make peace!!! Yeah right.
I liked the series. But the expense of producing it, rather than bad ratings, drove it off the air. And when they tried to revive it as having found earth (so they could set it here and save the special effects) it was very cheesy and failed. And they couldn't get the original actors (other than Greene and Seymour for a few cameo's) to do it. So they wrote them off. Oh that second series was painful... Dreadfully painful.


Meanwhile, at the bar, the People's Republic of middle America ploted their next move against their oppressor,s the greedy capitalists that actually give them a job and feed their families, It was beyond their hatred to realize that the very barkeep, a capitalist, could be a hard working man as well. When one side of the table completely went white.

What is it Zoshen said.

P p P P p p

Spit it out Plephart.
PONTIUS!!!

Too late Zoshen felt the cold steel caress his ear.

Aye, Ye must learn these establishments have dampening and scattering fields in place rendering that pea shooter of yours useless. You also failed to check the body. An oversight that will get you killed. A Cutlass (Pontius throws an extra on the table), however, remains just as lethal.

Zoshen: But I have not your skill with the blade.
Pontius: That's more consideration than you would have given me. Pick it up. Defend yourself!!!

The battle rages. Zoshen moving all over the place and swinging wildly. Pontius stands and left handed (of course) while drinking a beer proceeds to humiliate the young Zoshen with Grace and style. Finally, Pontius Deshirts him and slices his belt in two.
BWAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!!! UNDERWEAR WITH RED HEARTS ON EM. BWAHAHAHHAHHAHAHA. Nice Pontius Nice.

Tis a pity. I didn't think I'd get to do him right handed, but I'd hoped I'd have to at least put my beer down.
Ahahahahhahahahahah!!!!

Finally Zoshen gets on his knees and begs mercy. Don't kill me oh evil pirate. Don't kill me.
Boy you've been listening to too much propeganda. Get up and pull your pants up. Ye land Lubbin Swab. Now Take your commy workers of the world unite mates and get out of here. We've done what we wanted to Pajama boy over there, proved him a hypocrite. And if you ever raise a weapon against G.R.O.S.S. while at an establishment of neutrality, I'll finish what I started. Pontius, in a flash, Carves a big P in the chest of Zoshen. Just a little something to seal our bargain. You've been shown mercy. You are therefore forbidden from raising a hand against us.
BARKEEP!!! DRINKS FOR ALL, PUT IT ON THEIR TAB. OH AND GIVE YOURSELF A BIG TIP TOO. AND A BIG TIP FOR THE BARMAIDS AS WELL. ZOSHEN HERE WISHES TO BE GENEROUS TONIGHT. DOESN'T HE?


AYE!!!! THANKS ZOSHEN!!! AHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!! Shouts everyone in the bar. And the Maoist MidAmericans leave.

Plephart, P p power to the..
Zoshen: Don't even Start Pajama boy.
Plephart: I hate that name, you know I hate that name . Meany. Meany. Your on their side. I knew it. I knew it. You can't distinguish reality. You're not playing at a hard enough difficulty. Evil Pirate lover.

Zoshen slaps his forhead with open palm. Aye aye aye aye aye. Why me? Why did I get this assignment. Ugggh.
Reply #1339 from Stardock Forums Top
Later, in the brig. Aye Drop bear. Ray, that reminds me. We must treat our prisinors humanely. YOu'll eat well, and get free beer. And we've saved some Mogan David wine just for you Ray. We know how much you like it. That's Fosters for you Drop bear? Tonights movie, pumped in on that screen over there is none other than Dr. Quinn, Medicine women. Just a little something to get you in touch with your interior decorating feminine side. Roll it Gunner.

Shouts continue to come from the brig.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! KILL HER TAUNTO OR WHATEVER YOUR NAME IS JUST KILL HER!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Reply #1340 from Stardock Forums Top
Later in that same brig.

Ok you're free to go. Your empires have decided to pay their beer Tribute. And since you did get me out of a poetry reading, I'll be merciful. Restorio. Poof, Drop bear returns to Anzac country. Later, at the anzac Gatherign.
Cotel has brought with her a bunch of shela guests. Hey Drop bear, Look what we got, a gift. A big screen and Dvd Player. and DVD's.
Drop Bear thinks. Hmmm with all these Shela's around, you can bet we'll be missing the big Aussie Rules football game tonight.
Cotel: Gasp. Oh it's my favorite American show. Dr. Quinn!!!! C'mere Blokes, Won't you watch it with us and give us back rubs? Let's just cuddle.

CURSE YOU PIRATES, thought drop bear as he resigned himself to his fate. CURSE YOU ALL.

Back at the brig. Ray I am surprised at you. After all we've done for the council. Delivering supplies whilst ye tower was under siege by the Canadians. You, taking up with that bear. Restorio Poof. Ray is returned to the village Knowing the secret is still secret, and safe.

Later, in his quarters Pontius is getting his. YOU MISSED ANOTHER SYMPHONY TONIGHT DEAR. Say did that furry little interior decorator we hired ever come? Oh and some Tax agent is coming too. Don't worry, I cooked the Pirate books. They'll never find it. Just nod your head and say it's all there in black and white when they ask anything. Pontius, goes to sleep on the couch, knowing that he consigned drop bear to a far worse fate.



Reply #1342 from Stardock Forums Top
Just finished a 4800 point game soon all will pay beer tribute to our mighty empire... oh wait, they already do
Reply #1343 from Stardock Forums Top
Almost done with another game I can just smell those Arcean ribs
End of quote


Yeah baby. WTG Darth!!!


Yes your weekend board report is a bit late. Just Open the case of Dom Perignon we took off the Euro bunker and we'll call it even.


As you know we do the Size boards on Weekends so here goes.
Tiny
2. Staffa
17. Ice Mole
43. Jus4 Golf
58. Shakaar
80. Gibbie 99
82. Cypher Pax

Small
1. EBZero Matrix
23. The D.
28. Sixtoes
34. Cypher Pax
38. Staffa
43. Gibbie 99
47. Ice Mole
Reply #1344 from Stardock Forums Top
Medium.
12. Sixtoes
21. Kit Warrier
23. PBP
40. Gibbie 99
41. Ice Mole
60. Cypher Pax.

Large
6. Staffa
15 Stealth Frequeny
18. Kit Warrior
33 Atlas (SJL)
50 Ice Mole
51 HG321
69. Shakaar
72. Landrew
100. Exarch.

Gigantic
1. Pbp
2. Staffa
13. Black Smoke
25. EB Zero Matrix
41. Ice Mole
43. Stealth Frequency
69. Kit Warrior
86. Atlas (sjl)
Reply #1345 from Stardock Forums Top
Wednesday we post the allignment boards. But we have 8 of the top 25 on evil including the top 4. WTG guys. We have 2 in the top 25 on neutral and 1 on good.

Overall we have the #1 spot on 4 of the 8 classification boards. WTG G.R.O.S.S. !!! But if you're not in the top 100, you're still just as valuable.

Reply #1346 from Stardock Forums Top
CypherPax labored in the lab way into the early hours of the morning. He knew the effort would be worth it, even though the he felt a pang of guilt at missing the evening festivities. It was no matter, soon he would have a solved many of the problems facing his empire.

His first invention was the most practical. He made the final adjustments to the manure sensor. This powerful sensor could detect even trace amount of animal feces. The G.R.O.S.S survey ship had these sensors installed in each airlock. Not only would these sensors catch farmers trying to sneak aboard, but they should be sensitive enough to catch cling-ons on Drop Bear and the rest of ANZAC animal crew. Better still, the new manure sensor drones could detect the stench of a MWC world from several parsecs even through the vacuum of space. (Though CypherPax wasn’t sure how much of a feat this actually was).

His next invention has a beer recycler. It had been installed in the floor vents of the ship distillery and the mess hall. It was a modest improvement, but probably good for a +7% economic bonus. Better yet, it had mystical alchemical properties that allowed it to convert cheap beer to good beer. Poor in Coors and you get Sam Adams out. Pour in Budweiser and you get Smithwicks….. CypherPax couldn’t help himself, but to test the beer recycler.

He woke up the next morning to hear Pontius interrogating the prisoners next door in the brig.. Oh, no! Pontius is going to make me walk the plank though CypherPax. CypherPax was to have been on early AM guard duty and if any beer was missing as a result of the fake audit, Cypher knew he would himself be in the brig.

Though he was foggy from testing the Beer Recycler, CypherPax was struck my inspiration… the G.R.0.S.S. eye patch. The eye patch had a variety of useful properties, besides coming in any number of colors:
1. The eye patch provided vision into the infrared and ultraviolet spectrums.
2. The eye patch detected beer, spirits, and wine by type and distance, this would be useful on raids.
3. For single pirates, the eye patch had an optional anti-beer goggling feature.

Hopefully, this would get CypherPax out of the GROSS doghouse. Dealing with Mrs. Pax might prove a harder task than dealing with a fleet of Drendin Avatars. CypherPax suddenly felt a chill that made him feel almost sober. Then, he grinned diabolically. He remembered that the Visa bill would be coming in a couple of weeks and Mrs. Pax had bought quite a few things in France during the 4th of July shore leave (including furniture). Soon CypherPax would be able to play as much Galactic Civ as much as he wished…without complaint.
LOL

~SDC~
Reply #1347 from Stardock Forums Top
soon all will pay beer tribute to our mighty empire... oh wait, they already do
End of quote


Correct you are not, none we send you. No beer do the Jedi have. Shame on you for thinking such things....
Reply #1348 from Stardock Forums Top
The little green being waved his hand and says, "No beer do the Jedi have." The GROSS trooper looks puzzled, checks his beer detector, and replies, "Very anomolous reading I am getting here. You either are tea-totallers or have the biggest stash of beer that any of us have ever detected. Very well, we shall leave, for now." Unbeknownst to both, the Spymaster is lurking about. Gerakken decides a stake out may well be in order. If they have beer, they cannot hide it forever. Just got to inflitrate the base, find any hidden supplies there from observation, and then figure a way to get some precious samples out. Then the famous GROSS beer technicians can analyze it and adapt the beer detector to the new signal. Bold plan, but will it work?
Reply #1349 from Stardock Forums Top
Too... much... work...

Aargh!

No time this week to play, but in the weekend I'll give you 15k. Honest

//sjl


~SDC~
Reply #1350 from Stardock Forums Top
Many hoo-rahs for this fine gleaming steal. A tribute such as this would make tears come from the heart, but since I ain’t got a heart, enough of this whale blubber and lets start having some real fun making those space lubbers walk the plank.