I suggest you start out by reading the Strategy forum (which you've probably already done).  Read Raging Amish's (stickied) unit discussion guide post a couple times.  You also need to play this game in single player for a couple weeks, first, playing each race, so that you can become familiar with their tech trees and their strengths and weaknesses relative to one another.

Get in a game, listen to an experienced player...............learn from that, best sort of learning.

and when you get better.............smurf away

There's some advice that you might find useful for single player here: https://forums.sinsofasolarempire.com/378913

I have a hard time conceiving of how people could play this game, long-term, in single player against an opponent that is incapable of strategy, too, but apparently people do it.  Some of them just have bad Internet connections and some can't play for more than 30 minutes straight due to other concerns (caring for children, not enough time, etc.).

Well, I'm in the exact same position as the OP and I must say, at least so far, my experience online has been very good.  Most players are willing to be patient and teach and some even wanted me to play on their team knowing how much of a horrible newb I was just so they could teach me.  Still, as per Zoomers post, there is some sub-standard behavior out there that frankly mystifies me in such a small community.  Why turn off people to a game when you don't have to?

For example, last night I was involved in a 4v4.  I obviously sucked and one of our players took me under his wing and advised me.  I appreciated it and followed his advice to the letter.  We initially had some success.  Then we lost.  Since I am horrible, I'm sure most of the fault was with me.  But then right after his "gg" declaration and right before his departure, he makes sure to tell all that it was my fault.  This puzzles me since I felt my suckiness was so obvious anyway.  Moreover, he was nice to me the whole game until that point.  So what's the deal?  Was he so so insecure about his play vs. other vets that he had to hasten to highlight why it is he lost even if he did have a record of like 400-1 and clearly that should speak for itself?  Is this common in multi?

Why not just play 1v1 if that is the case?

Sorry about the long post and the half-rant.

That was indeed the game Proto and thanks for the kind words.  The truth is I can't accept the credit though b/c it was all due to MP's expert guidance.  By myself, I lost 3 of my cap ships and almost cost us the game a few times before MP called it quits.  But he was patient throughout.  It's just strange how he then turned around and fired that parting salvo out of the blue.  Still, I guess you're right about the why of it:  I understand that kind of frustration since I play a lot of online poker...