I think you need a fundermental lesson in networking vs game design theory.
1) All a cross over cable does is allow 2 computers to talk without having a router or switch between them (they swap the cable internally). A cross over cable has a wire swapping internally so pin A on machine 1 links to pin B on machine 2. If you are running a network it is not required and most switches/routers are smart enough these days to handle someone plugging in a cross over cable
2) Sins AND Demigod are P2P. However there us a PROXY feature in the Impuse connection logic that routes the traffic via a server rather then directly to get around an issue. Stardock added that feature, but Demigod is unaware of it and believes it is P2P, even though a connection may be routed by a server
3) The reason ALL machines lag in Sins AND Demigod is that the simulation is performed on ALL machines simultaneously. In the case of Sins (and possibly Demigod), the host is responsible for syncing the games. This means that if one machine lags, the rest lag as they have to wait for that machine to catch up.
In short the only option you have to reduce lagging is get better machines, turn down the settings or play games with less people in them...