Hey...i made this story and i wandered what anyone might think of it.
the topic is the "heros journey" format witch is the basic format for just about every movie or tv show. (especially harry potter)
plz tell me what you think of it
A 42 year old man sat in a partially lit room of his house. The man sat reading a book titled War and Peace. He was always fascinated by war and never read the other half of the book that was about Peace. He closed the book and sighed, rubbing his eyes after the 25th time in his life he had read through it. At the same moment his 7 year old son came into the room with a tired and sad expression on his face.
“Dad,” said the boy “I can’t get to sleep…will you tell me a story?” James, the name of the child, was also interested in war. By the time he was 7 he could come up with solutions to many war problems in either games or ones created in real life by his father. Much to the displeasure of his mother, now dead, James was playing many war games when he was just 6…less than half the recommended age for playing such games.
“Sure” said the father, “how about another war story.”
“Yeah!” James said, his face brightening immediately. When they got into James’ room, James ran into the covers and lay there waiting before his father could even turn on the lights. As his father brought up a chair to sit in while he told James, he noticed how tired James really was, and he wondered if James intentionally sat up awake just to hear a story. The father smiled faintly to himself as he sat…and he started the story.
A very long time ago lived a young 30 year old man. He lived in a stone house that sat next to both a blacksmith and a bakery and rarely slept because of it though he got used to it over time. He was moderately strong, moderately rich, and had a moderate job… thus he lived a very boring and repetitive life except for his home which was not meant to be actually lived in for long periods of time. The man’s name was Charles. He just opened his door to experience the early morning air when a man stepped in front of him. Charles was so surprised that he banged his knee on the door frame very hard. As he half kneeled rubbing his knee and muttering under his breath, the man opened his mouth.
“Charles, you may have heard of the monsters that prowl these lands destroying cities, whether you believe me or not I must tell you…this is caused by a man named James, and he is your brother… am I correct?”
Charles gasped as he heard his brother’s name. His brother had died a long time ago in a battle and said despite his pain “Who are you?”
“I,” said the man, “am Christopher, and I have come to tell you that your brother is not dead but alive and terrorizing the world that you, Charles live in.”
Charles, the pain now gone, said with more strength, “I saw my brother James die, and good riddance, all he cared about was himself and he hated the world.”
He was about to close the door when Christopher’s hand, despite his obvious age, stopped the door from closing. “Don’t be a fool” said Christopher, “and listen to…” Charles threw all his weight at the door, and it slammed closed. The Christopher’s hand disappeared behind it and Charles locked the door. He didn’t want to go out there again unless he had a sword to protect himself first. He sat on a chair and decided he would stay there until tomorrow.
The next day he peeked outside and found the street deserted except for early morning store owners going to open their shops. He walked outside and decided to take a walk around the village. Before long the houses opened up and the streets were again crowded. Charles was walking down an alley when he heard footsteps behind him. He spun around to find Christopher standing there with his arms crossed.
“No doors to slam in my face now are there” Christopher said jeeringly with a smile on his face.
“OH WHAT DO YOU WANT?!” yelled Charles, glaring at Christopher.
“Just let me show you” Christopher said, sounding annoyed.
Charles looked at Christopher suspiciously and said slowly, “…Fine…I’ll go, but you better not try anything.”
Christopher just smiled and said “come with me.” He led Charles through the city taking turns almost every second and confusing Charles.
“We will have to ride to another city for me to show you…near the front lines where these creatures are,” Christopher said, as if expecting an argument.
“Fine” he said then thought I have nothing else to do around this place. They went to a trade cart and Christopher asked if they could use it to get to the city. The owner told them they could use the cart, but only if he drove. Christopher agreed and they attached 2 horses to the cart. They set off in 3 hours later, during the night, Christopher up front with the driver singing a song with him. While Charles lay in the storage area for goods which at the moment were not in with him. He soon fell asleep and suspected that he was in for a rough night.
He awoke to find himself still in the cart, yet the cart stopped moving. He staggered outside and fell face down in the dirt and grass not noticing that his legs had fallen asleep. He got up and started to stretch out his legs. He saw Christopher by the cart talking to the cart driver.
“Ah! Charles…you are awake,” Christopher said with a smile, “we are here, the driver will go back to the city.” Before he even finished talking, the driver started riding away.
“Where is…uh….here?” he said, looking around. All he saw was endless desert.
“The city is just over that hill” Christopher said, pointing at a large hill. They made their way to it and Charles hoped that this all wasn’t just a trick and Christopher just led him out here to beat him and take his money. As they started up the hill he felt a chill, and as they drew nearer to the top of the hill, he could smell something…something burning. Nearer they came to the top and finally Charles saw a cloud, but it didn’t look like a normal cloud…it seamed to get bigger with every second, and finally it hit him. The Cloud he saw wasn’t a cloud at all. The “cloud” was really smoke. By the look on Christopher’s face he realized it too. Both of them ran to the top and looked on a huge city that was almost completely on fire.
“What happened?” Charles yelled looking at Christopher. Christopher had an expression that was hard to decipher. It looked like he was sad and afraid. Christopher didn’t say anything but pointed to the base of the large hill they were on. There, near the base at the city walls, stood a man looking at the blazing city with a look that told Charles that he was responsible. The man, even from this distance, looked unmistakably like his brother. James, Charles’ brother, turned to face him. James Smiled and ran around another hill and out of site. Charles ran back down the hill as fast as he could, unable to allow himself to think that it was his brother he saw. No! He thought to himself. No it couldn’t be…my brother is dead! Charles, too intent on escaping his thoughts, wasn’t watching where he was going and tripped over a large rock and fell, banging his head on the ground. He blacked out.
He woke up in a very strange place. He got up and looked around, staring in wonder. He was in some sort of bubble whose sides continually changed shape, form, color, and texture. Everywhere he looked he saw different scenes of the past and of legends and stories he saw ever-changing pictures of people moving about, living their lives and before he could register how they looked, the picture changed. He heard soft footsteps and turned to find a young girl, no more than 5 or 6 years old walking toward him. She had emerald colored hair that, like the surroundings, continually changed color, texture, and length. Her eyes, which never seemed to settle on one color, had a look of wisdom as if, despite her age, saw the beginning of time itself.
“Who are you…Where am I?” Charles said, still very confused.
“My name is Shanra, and this place is…basically…a dream.” She said, kindly.
“But…the last thing I remember…I was near a city…a burning city.” He started panicking and started running in a random direction. After he ran for what seemed like hours he closed his eyes and started banging his head against the ground, hoping this dream would end soon. All he experienced though was immense pain.
“Actually your not really in a dream,” Shanra voice sounded like she was right beside him but when he looked, she wasn’t there “you’re really dead…and you have a choice.”
He closed his eyes and continued running and after a long time he opened them only to find Shanra waiting for him a few feet away.
“Welcome back.” She said, smiling as though they were good friends.
“What the…,” he said, confused “But…I ran straight…I know I did.”
“Actually you ran into the walls of this area a bit ago and the walls are like a portal which, when walked through, put you on the other side of this place.” She said. She said it as though it was as simple as one plus one.
“What!” He said even more confused than before.
“Like I said, this is...well…something between life and death. Now please let me tell you what you want to know…you know…about your brother.”
He still didn’t believe what was happening but sat down anyway, waiting.
Shanra hair started to turn a shade of purple as she said, “your brother never really died,” she said, sitting down as well “He…well…was jealous of you.”
“He had, what you might say, sold his soul to a demon. In return he wanted power but only got pain and suffering.”
Charles sat there, surprised at what he was hearing.
“He blamed you for his half-death,” She continued, her hair starting to turn brown, “He wanted revenge and so, sought you out in every city. When he did find you, which was only moments ago, he decided to wait and let you seek out him.” Her hair and eyes were now both blue as she said, “he still had powers though, and created monsters to destroy the land in his search, before you were found I mean. The reason why he was jealous is because you lived a good life, better than his anyway which was spent in an alley in some far away city.”
“How do you know all of this!? You’re no more than 5 years old. How could you know this” Charles demanded.
“I know all of this because…well…you’re dead so you tell me, it’s your dream…but don’t think that it’s because it’s a dream that it’s not real…. Anyway, if I didn’t know all of this I wouldn’t be talking to you and considering how hard you were hitting your head, even if this was a nightmare you would wake up. Your choices are simple; you can either kill your brother or just plain accept death, and give up on the whole world in the process…but no pressure.” Shanra smiled again as her hair turned back into emerald and her eyes a dark shade of blue.
Charles thought hard about this. “So if I decide to go back and kill my brother…how do I do that?”
“That is for your friend to decide.” She said, standing up.
“Who are you anyway?” He said
“I’m basically the person a hero in a legend might see for information on what the meaning of existence is…or just someone to get answers from for their journey.” She said, fading away.
All went dark very quickly, and he blacked out again.
He woke up again to find himself in the dirt face down with his arm lying at an odd angle. He sat up and found his head throbbing and, every muscle in his body was stiff and reluctant to move. He saw Christopher a few feet away, running toward where he fell. When he caught up he looked at Charles with and expressionless face. Neither of them spoke…neither of them moved.
Charles decided not to tell Christopher what had happened. “Well” said Charles “…what do I do now.”
“You battle your brother,” Christopher said.
Under almost any other circumstance he would have said ‘no,’ but considering that he knew that his brother was evil in ways that almost no other could, being that he cared about no one: not his comrades, his peers, or even his own brother or family, he said “How do I do that, he is obviously better than me in ways that many trainers couldn’t match.”
Christopher smiled solemnly and said “I know someone who could help…he can help you get into good physical condition as well as teach you basic fighting techniques.”
“Who would that be?” Charles said, getting up.
“His name is Arthur and he lives in the city you live in.”
When Charles got home he decided to find this Arthur. He asked almost everyone in the city but no one knew an Arthur and finally asked Christopher where he would be and, ironically, he lived in the blacksmith shop next to his home. He went there with Christopher and when Christopher explained, the training began. A few months later, and a few burnt cities later, Charles was ready. He was now 10 times stronger than before and could match Christopher, who he found out was extremely good with a sword, at swordfights. He stood at the entrance to the city gazing out of the walls. He started to move when he noticed Christopher coming toward him from his left.
“What are you doing Christopher” Charles asked, confused, “Are you coming with me?”
“Well of course!” Said Christopher smiling, “Did you think you could find your way on your own?”
Charles, now feeling embarrassed said “Well…how could you know?”
“I found out while chatting with an old general friend of mine who was tracking James.” Said Christopher, with an unreadable expression on his face.
“Oh” said Charles “I see.” And together they set off…they needed no supplies…both were very skilled at hunting. One night while Christopher was sleeping and Charles had taken the 1st watch, he heard something in the bushes to his right. He glanced over near the bush expecting to see a rabbit or other animal, and he did a double take. Out of the bushes came one of the monsters itself. It was a horrid looking thing. Four legs like a cat yet much larger than any lion. Large muscles flexed on its legs which ended in gigantic paws with three five inch claws on each. As his gaze drifted upward however, he found that it had a skull-like face with rows and rows of jagged teeth each the length of a thumb. It was red and had piercing black eyes and had a long scaly tail. On its back was what looked like hairs like a porcupine but much larger. It growled as it sniffed the air, sensing something in the dark. And soon its gaze landed on Charles. Charles still gaping at the creature was immobilized and only the creature’s roar jump started him. He fumbled for his sword and by the time he grasped it the creature was a few yards away.
“NO!” Charles yelled. The creature leapt at him…only to be hit down by Christopher’s sword handle.
“GET BACK!” Christopher yelled at Charles. The creature hissed and started bringing its claws down like a pair of scythes. But Christopher was too quick for it. As a third blow missed Christopher, Christopher brought his sword up and slashed its side. The creature howled in agony, and attacked with more anger. Christopher twirled around so fast that Charles and the creature were dazed and Christopher slashed the creature’s head off. The creature stood there like a beheaded gargoyle and a second later it toppled.
“Why…why couldn’t I do anything?” Charles said embarrassed. Christopher, cleaning his sword from the creature’s blood didn’t say anything.
When he finished he looked up and said “because you were afraid” he said it almost as if he was annoyed. “Everyone gets afraid every so often, don’t worry about it.” But Charles thought otherwise,
“I’m beginning to wonder if you have the right person, if you were mistaken, or maybe if you were-”
Christopher gave him a glare that made him fall silent immediately, “don’t you EVER, EVER, doubt yourself!” He commanded “it will be your downfall!” “If you ever doubt yourself you will become weak.” Christopher was holding with him, a rage that would rival that of another of those creatures. “If you let your defenses down you will not be able to defeat your brother and save your friends or the world.” “These creatures have been CREATED by your brother and will serve him until all is destroyed!” “You must unlock the skills that have been put in you, and I know how but the way is for you to find out.” Charles had not known that Christopher could be angered so easily.
“I…I’m sorry…it wont happen again.” Charles promised.
Christopher nodded and said “I’ll take the watches from now on.” It pained Charles to know that he had angered his friend and master. He couldn’t sleep at all and wished he had not offered to take first watch in the first place.
They had proceeded into dark lands…filled with death and decay. He felt shivers every time he glanced into the swamplands around him, feeling as though they were being watched…. The horrible happened along with the sense of knowledge that couldn’t have come unless the horrible event occurred first. One day as they started to exit the swamps several of the spiny, sinewy, and strong creatures from before came out. Charles was ready this time. He had battled several on their way out so he knew how to kill them…Christopher said to always behead them otherwise they will keep coming after you as if they were never wounded until they actually die. It looked as if they were about to win this short skirmish when, after Charles hacked up the last creature, a loud whizzing sound followed by a grunt of pain was heard. Charles wheeled about and found James, about 50 yards away, with an evil grin and a laugh of triumph on his face. James was holding a bow as well. Then he turned and saw Christopher a surprised look on his face, Start to fall backward… an arrow protruding from his chest.
“No!” yelled Charles, as he rushed to his friend.
“It was…inevitable….” Gasped Christopher…then he was silent. Suddenly a rush of anger, grief, and power overwhelmed him; he felt something clink in place. Then he knew what Christopher meant by him knowing the way to unlock his skills. First, Christopher had to die. He turned, glaring at his brother who had turned his back to him and started walking away…Charles wouldn’t let that happen. He rushed to his brother unsheathing his sword silently as he went.
James smiled joyously. He had done it. He had made his brother suffer for existing in his life. He laughed as he turned his back on his brother. He decided he would let his creature/pets finish him. James didn’t think he needed to get his hands dirty. Then he heard faint running steps and turned around to find his brother rushing toward him with his sword out and, now that James saw him, yelling at the top of his lungs. James laughed again and rushed to meet his opponent.
Charles gazed into the eyes of his previously dead brother as they clashed. James, whose smile had vanished the moment they had started fighting, instead leered at his brother. It was a titanic battle. All that could have ever been seen would have been flashing blades. Charles twirled and ducked around James’s defenses and managed to create a few slashes across his brother. James, who had not fought in a long time, was getting scared. This wasn’t supposed to happen! He thought. I should win…I am superior! Their blades clashed again and again. Charles weaved around and tried to go for a low arc across James’s torso but James avoided it and tried for a high arc…which missed and threw him off balance. James finally got his bearings and managed to knock Charles back…James laughed a harsh, evil laugh. Charles and Thrust with his sword. The laughing ceased immediately…The blade protruding bloody from James’s back. James toppled over and Charles caught him….
“Why…Why did you do all of this?” Charles asked.
“Because, I was careless…I…was stupid and spoiled.” James gasped. “I’m…so…sorry.” And James finally died.
Meanwhile during a large-scale battle with the evil creatures, a general was surprised to see all the creatures turn to dust before his eyes. It took a moment before it sunk in. Then the whole army cheered and Arthur knew that Charles had done it…and he also knew, with a sinking heart, that Christopher was dead too. Christopher had told Arthur that he would have to die in order for Charles to kill James. Though he knew it was for the good of all life, he still didn’t like it at all…Christopher was his friend after all.
Soon the story spread from Arthur that a man named Charles had been responsible for the victory. And so they waited for him to return.
Charles was walking back to where he lived after 5 nights of camping and hiking back through the swamp which was turning from a swamp into grassland. As he climbed the hill where the city he lived in was, he heard cheers and yells of triumph and saw with glittering eyes… that they were cheering for him. He had done it…he had been victorious. And as he started down the hill he spotted something glittering off to his left. He thought it was another creature and Charles was suddenly afraid…but he saw a human figure. It was a man with a graying beard and the sight of him made Charles feel strong and confident. As quickly as it had come it vanished. Charles knew however, who it really was. And he strode down the hill to celebrate with the people and share his stories and skills with others who wish to make the world a better place.
As the father finished his story he looked to see his son fast asleep…he knew that his son had been asleep for a while. He turned off the lights and went to his own bedroom. As he got into bed he grinned at the fact that the story wasn’t a story at all, or at least not in the fantasy genre. As he closed his eyes he remembered the story his father told him and his father’s father and so on. The story was exactly like the one that the father told James who was named after the man in the story. James, who was one of his ancestors, had just had a broken heart. He did not get to have the pleasantries in life as others had. He was jealous. And Charles, the father, who was named after Charles in the ancestral story by his father who was named Christopher, gloried in the beauty of stories and literature, and hoped that one day James would tell the same story to his son, and pass the legend on to the next generation of children.
well thats the story...7 pages total. Plz tell me what you think
